


Chaos Follows

by stolen_pen_name23



Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Healing (Star Wars), Gen, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hurt/Comfort, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Nightmares, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Protective Obi-Wan Kenobi, Survivor Guilt, Teenage Anakin Skywalker, Terrorism, Whump, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stolen_pen_name23/pseuds/stolen_pen_name23
Summary: After Obi-Wan survives a terrorist attack on a planet he and Anakin are negotiating peace on, he struggles with feelings of guilt after not being able to save everyone.This is a prompt fill for Whumptober 2020 No. 19 - Survivor’s Guilt.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951717
Comments: 19
Kudos: 107
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	1. Get Down

“I’m going for a walk,” Obi-Wan announced. “You’re welcome to join me if you want.”

“No, thanks, I would like to shower before we go to the state dinner tonight.”

Obi-Wan looked Anakin up and down with a critical eye. “Yes, I would like that for you too.”

“Oh, shut up,” Anakin said, but his smile reached his eyes. 

“I shouldn’t be longer than half an hour,” Obi-Wan hollered as he stepped out the door. “I will see you back here in a little bit.”

As Obi-Wan walked along the city sidewalk, he was silently glad Anakin had declined his offer. Not that Obi-Wan  _ didn’t  _ want Anakin to join him, it was just that it had been a while since he had a moment to himself to collect his thoughts and to meditate. 

He and Anakin had spent the entirety of the past two days in long talks with the two political parties of this planet. There was a dispute over which party’s candidate won the latest election. The whole situation reeked of corruption and fraud. Tensions on both sides were coming to a boiling point and they needed an objective third party to help them cool it down. Of course, Obi-Wan ended up doing most of the talking. His skills as a negotiator are what got them assigned to this mission in the first place. By the time today’s meeting had finally adjourned, Obi-Wan felt very mentally drained. A resolution had not yet been found, but they were getting closer. He hoped he could further things along at the state dinner planned for later that evening. But for now, Obi-Wan was content with a brisk walk through the planet’s capital city.

The planet itself was a nice change of pace. Lately, he and Anakin had been getting sent to hot, humid jungle planets or dry desert planets. This particular planet had a mild climate that was neither too hot nor too cold which made it a popular place for sentient life. They were in a sprawling city, but it wasn’t as layered as Coruscant and Obi-Wan knew there were rural areas farther out. He was silently glad for this mission even if it was, in Anakin’s words, “boring.” 

“You’re going to have to get used to diplomacy missions, Padawan,” Obi-Wan had said to a very exasperated Anakin after the first full day of negotiations. “When you become a Knight, which will be soon, you will have to do plenty of peace talks and senate meetings.” 

Anakin had just groaned while Obi-Wan’s lips quirked into a half-smile. 

For now, Obi-Wan relished the break from some of their more “exciting” missions. He quietly observed the people of the city and the tall buildings adorning the streets. So lost in thought was he, that he had started to lose track of time. Knowing Anakin would never let him live it down if he was late to an important state dinner, he ducked into the closest high-speed train station. He booked a ticket for the route that would take him back closest to the small inn where he and Anakin were staying and stood on the platform. 

As he stood in wait for his train, he quietly observed the Force presences of the dozens of people milling around the platforms. All the people glowed brightly with life and he quietly embraced their vitality in the Force. But then… something was  _ wrong.  _ There was a man walking through the crowd with a dark and troubled Force presence. Obi-Wan felt the sharp prickle of the Force on his skin – a warning. 

He zeroed in his focus on the human male with the dark presence and his eyes widened. 

“Get down!” Obi-Wan screamed as he saw the man unzip the thick jacket he was wearing and revealed an explosive vest. Obi-Wan scrambled towards the man but he wasn’t fast enough. The man pulled a small wire and Obi-Wan’s world detonated.

* * *

Anakin was combing his fingers through wet hair when he was suddenly slammed with a wave of  _ pain fear confusion terror pain fear burning panic terror pain  _ in the Force. He doubled over, gripping the sink with his right hand and breathing heavily. 

Dread and panic mixed in the pit of his stomach. 

He reached out for Obi-Wan through their bond.

_ Master?  _

Anakin didn’t receive a coherent reply, but he was relieved when he felt a tug on the end of Obi-Wan’s bond. He was alive.

_ Master? What’s happening? _

A wave of fear and confusion hit Anakin. His own anxiety escalated. These were  _ not  _ feelings he felt come from his Master very often. 

_ Obi-Wan! Are you alright? What’s going on? _

Their bond went silent again. Anakin’s panic grew.

_ Obi-Wan! _

_ There was an explosion. Oh, Force, it’s bad Anakin. _

_ Are you okay? Are you hurt? _

_ Not badly. Anakin, it was so fast… I couldn’t… I tried… I just… _

_ It’s alright Master, I’m coming. Where are you? _

_ Train station. I’m not sure which one.  _

_ It’s okay, just keep your shields open, I’ll follow your Force presence.  _

Anakin threw on his boots and ran out of the inn. He hailed a speeder taxi and told the driver he would give him directions as they went. Anakin dreaded what he would find when he got there.


	2. For What It's Worth

When the bomb went off, Obi-Wan had been thrown backward like a ragdoll. He had landed harshly on his left shoulder, dislocating it on impact. Some rubble hit his face and body, leaving a gash just above his eye and a few other bruises and scrapes on his body. 

Before he could even get his bearings, Anakin was slamming up against their Force bond. He tried to focus and clear his vision, but it was hard with so much pain and fear and confusion swirling in the Force around him. The blood dripping into his eyes didn’t help.

He finally answered Anakin’s increasingly desperate calls through the Force and was grateful when he said he was on his way. 

He looked around. The train platform looked like a war zone. 

Some people were screaming, some were running – others were completely silent. He saw some people with limbs blown completely off and others who were badly burned. One togruta male had been impaled with a piece of debris. His Force presence still flickered but Obi-Wan knew it would fade away entirely in a minute or two. No, he could not focus on that. Though it pained him, he knew logically he needed to focus on the ones who could be saved. 

Ears ringing, he pushed down his own panic and continued to scan the scene before him. His eyes landed on a human woman. She was dead, but in her arms were two children – a boy and a girl. The boy was dead, but the girl… 

On shaky feet, he started walking towards them.

He sunk to his knees next to the girl. 

“Hey there, little one,” he said softly, extinguishing all traces of panic from his voice. 

The girl curled further into her mother’s still-warm embrace.

“It’s alright, I won’t hurt you,” he continued gently. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

With his left arm still hanging limp and useless, he reached out his right hand to her. 

“It’s alright, you can take my hand. I’m a Jedi, I’m here to protect you.”

“Jedi?” she finally squeaked out. 

“Yeah, I’m a Jedi, see?” He showed her the hilt of his lightsaber and her eyes widened. She grabbed his hand and slowly got closer to him.

Obi-Wan analyzed her for injuries but she seemed unharmed – physically at least. 

She turned to look at her mother and brother, but Obi-Wan quickly turned her head towards him. “Don’t look at that. You don’t need to look at that. Only look at me okay?” 

She nodded and obeyed him. 

He scooped her up with his good arm and started carrying her towards the exit. 

“Just look at me,” he whispered as he stepped over bodies and limbs. Bloody boot prints followed him as he made his way towards the exit. 

The scene outside was pandemonium. Emergency services had finally arrived and were struggling to keep up with the people who had already run outside. 

In a daze, Obi-Wan walked towards a medic near an emergency vehicle. 

“Sir? Are you alright?” the medic called out.

“I’m fine.”

“Is this your daughter?”

“No, uh, her mother… and her brother…” 

He didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“I see,” the medic said softly. “Come here little one, I’m going to look after you alright?”

The little girl clutched tighter to Obi-Wan.

“It’s okay, this nice man is going to help you now alright?” He pushed a wave of reassurance at the girl and she relaxed enough for the medic to take her. 

“Sir, you don’t look too good, you should really get looked at.”

“I’m fine,” Obi-Wan said quickly. “I’m a Jedi. I can help.”

“Alright,” the medic said reluctantly. “But you need to come right back here when everyone’s out.”

Obi-Wan nodded his assent. 

As Obi-Wan was about to enter the train platform again, he heard a commotion coming from the edge of the perimeter that safety officials had set up. 

“I am a Jedi, you have to let me in there,  _ my Master is in there!  _ Please, just let me through,” Anakin pleaded with some safety officers. 

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan yelled as he jogged towards his student. 

Anakin’s face fell in relief but then twisted to concern at the sight of him.

Obi-Wan waved his hand in front of the guards. “You want to let him through.”

“We want to let him through,” they repeated in somewhat of a daze. 

“You will open that gate for him.”

“We will open this gate for him.”

The Force suggestion worked and Anakin was able to pass through without further incident. 

“You’ve always been better at that than me,” Anakin said ruefully. 

Obi-Wan didn’t reply. Instead, he started making his way back towards the train platform. 

“Hey! Master, wait up!” 

Obi-Wan paused and turned to Anakin with the same exasperated look he always seemed to have on reserve for his Padawan. “We need to help these people, Anakin. We have a responsibility.”

“Obi-Wan, you’re hurt.”

“I’m fine.”

Anakin quickly reached out and grabbed Obi-Wan’s shoulder. Obi-Wan yelped sharply as he curled away from Anakin’s touch. 

“See! You’re not fine,” Anakin said stubbornly. 

“I’ve had worse. I can still help these people. When they’re taken care of, I will have this looked at alright?”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Anakin looked at him warily, but nodded his assent. Together they descended to the train platform and did their best to assist the wounded. 

* * *

The carnage below made Anakin’s stomach turn. Everywhere, he saw brutally severed limbs and burned flesh. Everyone was covered in a layer of white dust and ash. Even Obi-Wan’s ginger hair had been completely covered in the white dust, and blood was running down the side of his face, matting in his beard. Obi-Wan closed off his shields and his expression was now perfectly schooled into one of careful neutrality, but Anakin knew him better than that. Before Obi-Wan slammed his shields closed, Anakin could feel his pain and guilt and anxiety the second they had descended back onto the train platform. He looked at him with concern, but Obi-Wan chose to ignore him. Instead, they worked on organizing the terrified people and getting help to the ones who couldn’t be moved as easily. 

Obi-Wan knelt by a woman lying on her back, a large wound on her side. Anakin watched as Obi-Wan held his good hand over her wound, face twisted in concentration. 

“Master? What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to heal her,” he said through gritted teeth.

“You can’t do that! It’s too dangerous, you’re not trained in Force healing!” 

“I can try.”

“Master, if you're not careful, you could drain your own life force. You know this.”

“Is my life worth more than hers? More than anyone’s in this room?” he said bitterly.

The words shocked him. To Anakin, Obi-Wan’s life was worth more than everyone in this room combined, but he knew that was not the proper “Jedi” answer nor the answer Obi-Wan wanted to hear right now. 

“No, it’s not. But your life is not worth _ less _ than theirs either!”

Obi-Wan ignored him and focused on healing the woman below him. Before Anakin’s eyes, the wound was closing up. Breathing heavily, Obi-Wan lowered his hand. The wound wasn’t completely healed, but it looked significantly better than it had. 

“She’ll live,” Obi-Wan said breathlessly. He got to his feet, but was swaying slightly. 

“Master?”

“I’m alright, I’m just…” he didn’t get to finish the thought. His eyes rolled back and he collapsed into Anakin’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I do realize that I did the tropey force healy bit in another fic I literally just posted; however, I wrote these two fics weeks apart and forgot about and now I'm too lazy to change it so here ya go lol


	3. Twenty-three

Anakin’s concerned eyes were the first thing that greeted Obi-Wan upon awakening. He looked around, he was outside the train station, laying on a cot the medics had set up for the injured who didn’t need to be immediately transported to a hospital. The memory of all that he had seen came flooding back to him. He fought back tears and pushed down all of his grief and rage at the senseless death. Instead, he prodded at Anakin through their bond. 

_ Anakin?  _

_ Here, drink this.  _

Anakin handed him a small bottle with a bright red liquid in it. Obi-Wan eyed it suspiciously. 

_ What is that? _

_ I don’t know, but they said it has a bunch of electrolytes in it, which you currently need. So drink it.  _

Obi-Wan took a small sip and numbly noted it’s sweet flavor. Too sweet for his liking, but he had had worse. He set it aside after a few sips.

“Drink it,” Anakin commanded out loud. “You have Force exhaustion.”

Obi-Wan reluctantly took a few more sips. After a pause, Obi-Wan spoke again. 

“How many?” he questioned, his voice hollow.

“How many what?” Anakin asked with confusion.

“How many dead?”

“Don’t do this to yourself, Master,” Anakin sighed. 

“Anakin, how many?”

“Twenty-three.”

Obi-Wan kept his expression passive, but he felt the words like a strike. 

“It would have been twenty-four if not for you,” Anakin added quickly.

It didn’t make him feel better. He tried to ignore the way Anakin was staring at him with concern. He didn’t want his Padawan’s pity. He just wanted to go home and sleep and not think about how he had failed twenty-three souls by not noticing the dark presence earlier or by solving the political crisis sooner. 

His shoulder still hurt and Anakin was gently dabbing at the cut above his eye with a wet washcloth. The white cloth came away red, but Obi-Wan gave it no mind. He deserved worse than a dislocated shoulder and a cut on his face. That little girl’s mother and brother deserved to live. The male togruta deserved to live. Everyone deserved to live. 

He numbly acknowledged the medic he had spoken with earlier approaching him. 

“Hello, Master Jedi,” the medic greeted. “We spoke earlier. My name is Charley. I’m glad you took my advice and came to see me.”

“I’m afraid I didn’t have much choice in the matter,” he said, shooting a glare at Anakin. “And please, call me Obi-Wan. This is my Padawan, Anakin Skywalker.” 

“Alright Obi-Wan, let me take a look at that shoulder of yours.”

Obi-Wan was vaguely aware of Anakin’s nervous Force presence sitting on an empty cot next to his. He chose to ignore that. Instead, he let Charley help him out of his tunic so he could get a better look at his shoulder.

“On the count of three, I’m going to pop this back into place. Is that alright?”

Obi-Wan nodded.

“Good. One…”

Obi-Wan yelped harshly. 

“You said three,” he panted.

“I find it’s better to take my patients by surprise for that sort of thing,” Charley said with a wry smile. “You should feel better in a few days, but if pain persists in your shoulder, please seek out a healer.” 

“Thank you, Charley,” Anakin said sincerely. “Can we go back to where we’re staying or does he need more medical attention?”

“He should be fine to return, but avoid any rough, physical activity,” Charley said before returning his gaze to the older Jedi. “Get some rest Obi-Wan. You’ll be fine in a few days.”

“Thank you, Charley.”

The medic nodded and went to assist another wounded person. 

“The officials don’t need our help anymore,” Anakin said. “I asked. They said they have everything under control.”

Obi-Wan nodded.

“We’re going to have to walk back to the inn,” Anakin said. “The speeder taxis are either taken or they’ve cleared the area and the trains obviously aren’t running. Are you up for it or do you want to wait here a little while longer?”

“No, let’s just go.” 

Anakin nodded. "I’ve already alerted the council of what has happened. They’re sending Kit Fisto to finish the negotiations."

"Alright," Obi-Wan said numbly. "We can spend the night here and then head back for Coruscant in the morning.” 

Anakin helped Obi-Wan pull his tunic back on and together they walked away from the chaos of the triage center. 


	4. What We Deserve

The walk back to the inn took longer than it normally would have. Obi-Wan insisted he was fine, but Anakin could tell he was still exhausted. He was dragging his feet and breathing heavier than normal. 

His presence in the Force was what worried Anakin the most. 

Normally, Obi-Wan was like a crackling campfire in the Force. Warm and bright and gentle. Not overpowering like Obi-Wan insisted Anakin’s presence was. However, Obi-Wan’s current Force presence was muted. Colder and more blue-tinged than Anakin had seen in a while. He got like this when he was mourning Qui-Gon, usually around the anniversary of his death, but that was months away. If the aftermath of the explosion had been anything to go on, Anakin could understand why. It had been awful, and he hadn’t even been in it. He gave Obi-Wan a sideways glance, a look that usually made Obi-Wan question aloud what Anakin was thinking about. But now he remained silent – lost in his own thoughts and troubled memories. 

When they returned to the room they shared in the inn, Anakin looked at himself in the mirror and knew he would need to shower again. He had dirt and ash and other people’s blood on him. He let Obi-Wan go first though, knowing his Master was probably desperate to return to at least a semi-orderly state. 

While Obi-Wan showered, Anakin went out and brought food back for the both of them. 

“Here, you should eat something,” Anakin said, handing him the meal pack.

“Thank you, Padawan,” Obi-Wan said gratefully, his hair damp and tousled. “I’ll eat this later.”

“Obi-Wan, you need to eat.”

“I will. I’d rather just get some rest right now alright?”

Anakin could see Obi-Wan trying to force reassurance on his expression. 

_ Master?  _ Anakin prodded their bond carefully.

_ Yes, Anakin. _

_ What can I do? _

Obi-Wan looked at him with a look of surprise before his eyes darkened ever so slightly.

_ Nothing. We can’t change that which has occurred, Padawan. _

Anakin’s face fell, but Obi-Wan shot him a half-smile. “Thank you, Anakin.” 

“Of course, Master.”

When Anakin got out of the shower for the second time that evening and returned to the main sleeping area of their room, he was pleased to see that Obi-Wan actually was asleep and not faking it for his sake. 

Anakin climbed into his own bed and let sleep overcome him as well. 

* * *

Anakin had always been a light sleeper – a trait that had never gone away from his days as a slave. So, when he heard a soft whimpering, he was instantly awake. 

He sat up and looked around, but it didn’t take long for him to identify the source of the noise. 

“Please, no…” Obi-Wan muttered in his sleep. “Anakin...”

Anakin got up slowly and knelt by Obi-Wan’s bed. In the pale moonlight that shone through the windows, Anakin could see tear tracks tracing down Obi-Wan’s cheeks. He was still fast asleep, undoubtedly caught in the throes of some hellish nightmare. 

“Master, wake up.”

Obi-Wan groaned softly but didn’t wake up. “Anakin…” he said in his sleep, his voice a soft whine. 

“Master, it’s me, wake up, please.” Anakin gently shook his good shoulder.

Obi-Wan gasped and sat up quickly, his breathing heavy. He looked around wildly before his frightened gaze landed on Anakin. 

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin said quietly. “It’s alright, we’re safe here.”

Obi-Wan panted and realization seemed to come back to him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said, quickly swiping at the tears on his face. “I didn’t mean to wake you, Padawan. Go back to sleep.”

“Are you okay, Obi-Wan?” 

“Yes, I’m fine. It was just a bad dream. Go back to bed, Padawan.”

“You said my name.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes darkened. 

“Talk to me. What was your dream about?” Anakin prodded.

“Anakin… I don’t want…”

“Please, Master. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It was you,” Obi-Wan said after a tense pause.

“What was me?”

“In my dream, you were with me. You were caught in the explosion, I couldn’t save you.”

“It was just a dream Master.” 

“It felt different… it felt... so real.”

“How so?”

Obi-Wan looked down at his hands. “Your skin was burned. I could smell it. And your arm was blown off and… and…”

“And what?”

“You  _ hated _ me for it. I don’t know how I knew, I just knew that you hated me. For not saving you in time. For not being there. For letting this happen. I don’t...”

“That’s ridiculous,” Anakin said, cutting him off.

Obi-Wan’s body language closed off. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you with…”

“No!” Anakin interrupted quickly. “It’s not ridiculous that you shared this with me. Your dream itself was ridiculous. I don’t… I could never hate you Obi-Wan. You’re my best friend. And look at me! I’m fine! Better off than you are anyway.” 

Obi-Wan gave him a half-smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You should get back to bed, Anakin. We still have a few hours until morning.” 

Anakin frowned. “Alright, but you need to rest too.”

“I will.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine, Anakin. As you said, it was just a dream.”

“Alright,” Anakin conceded as he climbed back into his own bed. 

He knew Obi-Wan was just going to stare at the ceiling for the remainder of the night, but he felt powerless to do anything about it.

* * *

“How’s the shoulder?” Anakin asked him the next day.

“It’s fine,” Obi-wan said.

In truth, his whole body was sore, especially his shoulder. Being flung twenty feet backward in an explosion seemed to have that effect. However, he didn’t want to worry Anakin more than he already was.  _ He  _ was the Master. He should be the one comforting Anakin. Not the other way around. His Padawan’s pity only compounded his failure.

Kit had met up with them this morning. It had been nice to see a familiar face and one of his oldest friends, even if it was just for a few minutes, but the joy of their meeting was overshadowed by the despair of  _ why _ they had to meet in the first place. 

Even as he and Anakin settled into their pilot’s and co-pilot’s chairs on their ship and set course for Coruscant, he couldn’t shake that despair. Every time Obi-Wan closed his eyes, all he could see were the faces of innocent civilians, forever stuck in expressions of terror and pain. 

Why did he get to live when so many others did not? 

It was a question he was asking himself more and more frequently as tensions bubbled up across the galaxy. More and more skirmishes and acts of terror were occurring with each passing day, and he felt powerless to stop any of it. The difference between this situation and the situations he heard about so often on the holo-news was that he got to experience this one first-hand. He got to feel the Force presences flicker and die from nearly two dozen people. He had been  _ so close _ . If he had just noticed the dark presence faster...

He was a Jedi. A peacekeeper. Why was it that chaos shadowed his every move?

“You know this wasn’t your fault, right?”

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin but couldn’t meet his eyes. 

“Obi-Wan…” Anakin said.

And there it was. Sickening worry, dripping from Anakin’s voice.

“Padawan, I don’t need your pity,” Obi-Wan said, a little harsher than he had initially intended. 

Obi-Wan inwardly groaned as a look of hurt flickered across Anakin’s expression. 

“I don’t pity you, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said quietly after a tense pause. “I just want you to know that it’s not your fault – that you’re not alone.” 

Obi-Wan felt like the smallest person in the galaxy. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. You’ve done nothing to deserve it… for once,” he added with a wry smile.

The tension between them broke and Anakin laughed. 

“It’s alright, Master. I’m just sorry I wasn’t with you when it happened.”

“It’s okay, I’m glad you weren’t there. I don’t know what I would have done if you had gotten hurt,” Obi-Wan said quietly. “Plus, you really did need a shower.” The wry smile returned to his face.

Anakin glared at him, but there was laughter in his eyes. 

Anakin’s face turned serious again. “Obi-Wan, look at me.”

This time, Obi-Wan met his eyes.

“I need you to know that you deserve to live, just as much as anyone else does. More, in my personal opinion, though I know that’s not the Jedi way of thinking. It’s just what I think.” 

Anakin expected him to lecture him on everything that was wrong with what he just said, but instead, he saw his Master’s blue-gray eyes go glassy with unshed tears.

“Thank you, Anakin.” 

“Of course, Master.” 

Anakin and Obi-Wan both knew that he would never stop bearing the weight of worlds on his shoulders, but for now, they enjoyed each other’s company as they continued on the return journey home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! I'm going out of town next week and I'm not sure what the internet situation will be, but I have 3 more whumptober fics and a post-whumptober fic I'm working on that I'll post when I get back! For now, come find me on Tumblr [@stolen-pen-name23](https://stolen-pen-name23.tumblr.com/)!


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